(Here’s the first part of my personal ayahuasca review…)
My inner voice was actually clear: “Take exactly the same amount of ayahuasca as yesterday, that was perfect!”
But because my experiences in the colorful Spirit World were so indescribably beautiful and positive last night, I wanted to take a little more this time, a quantity that our shamanic guide Marc called a “normal dose”.
I think my mind seduced me into overconfidence. Or was it just my expectations? I assumed that I was allowed to travel more or less to the same (or at least very similar) inner worlds.
Perhaps it was also due to the much too soft sound atmosphere for my taste at the beginning of the ceremony, because the so-called “setting” has a very large influence on the inner experience with ayahuasca.
Or it was because of my wish, written down on a piece of paper, what I wanted to experience in today’s ceremony with “Mother Ayahuasca”: Eliminating all the blockages in my life that kept me from inner divine joy!
Who doesn’t listen to his inner voice…
Anyway, within a few minutes I was shot into the world of colorful inner pictures like with a catapult, and this time it did not look as comfortable and happy as it did the night before.
I saw swirling fractal-like, geometric structures, always on the move. The colors were so loudly glaring that looking with open eyes would have hurt.
Somewhere in these flowing structures, pairs of eyes appeared and flew toward me. They did not seem threatening at all, rather friendly, but they called, no they shouted in my face without words, literally showing me the long nose: “Do you see what you get when you do not listen to your inner voice??! Now it’s too late… You have to go through it now. Look carefully what we show you!”
It hurt me that I couldn’t see the familiar organic world of the animals and plants of yesterday night again, but something so completely different, so unexpected, indescribable.
Can you actually learn patience?
There was nothing threatening about the scenes that appeared to me, yet I was tense, nervous and annoyed with myself. I opened my eyes, whispering Marc’s name and he came to me, asking me if everything was alright.
“It’s very intense… is there any other music coming soon?” I asked him. He asked me for a bit of patience, the music would start right away. If I don’t have one thing, then it is patience. 🙂
Marc then played on a Jew’s harp, a small instrument that produced extremely creative and unfamiliar overtones in the mouth. It was not the hoped for music, but the colorful pictures inside of me looked absolutely spectacular!
I saw the sound waves of the instrument in three dimensions, each new sound swirling through the field, jumping back and forth. Beautiful and artistic! But no music that fit my expectations.
I tried to get used to my situation, tried to accept it as it is, because it was all right, just a bit too bright and colorful…
The internal pressure builds up
Breathe, breathe, breathe, that helped. I let my upper body circle, moved with the sounds, let the pictures come and get more intense. The first participant in our group was already hanging over his spit bag and also with me the first pressure in the stomach built up.
But it was not intense enough, I had to delve deeper into these pictures that I didn’t ask for. The acoustic experience became more creative, the sound waves danced around and I went deeper into my pictures, surrendered to my situation, let go and went deeper, deeper and deeper…
After what felt like an eternity, Marc grabbed his guitar and began the first slow chords. Yes, that was almost music, finally! My inner pressure built up more and more, I grabbed my spit bag.
My body was only half felt, but it was there, I still had control of my hands and was able to prepare my bag, expectantly, because I wanted to let out the pent-up emotions inside, wanted to free myself.
It should take a while yet. I worked intensely on my inner emotional pressure. Finally came “right” music. In addition I heard the first drumbeats of another group participant.
I was grateful for the drumming, because it gave me the necessary power to let everything out. I choked and choked and finally I let go, it came out hefty and loud, I freed myself from the inner pressure and thus also from the pictures that I had not called.
Then it was good. I forced myself to look in my bag again, this time it was not so easy, thanked for the experience and for what I could let go, tied the bag and staggered over to the trash can.
My whole body was trembling with electric energy, but I felt peaceful and released, could finally lie down, enjoy the lively music and watch the pictures it created in me.
Music as a medium for energetic exchange
Everything was fine, I had done my inner work. The music was rousingly warm and joyful. After a while, I began to sing quietly, my fingers danced the rhythm to it.
I sat down again, wanted to participate, got up and looked for a colorful rattle egg. Finally I found it, came back to my mat and was proud like a little kid who had just found a new toy.
I rattled and shook the grain-filled wooden egg, intuitively seeking my own rhythm, trying to connect with Marc’s guitar chords and the drumbeats of one of our group members.
In these minutes, I learned a lot about the energetic dynamics in the group under the influence of ayahuasca. So far, I have focused almost completely on my inner experience and interacted with the material world only when absolutely necessary. This seemed natural to me and I had enough to do with observing my own experience and working with it inwardly.
Now I slowly and carefully opened up for the other group participants. Music was the medium that linked us together, through which we exchanged energy.
Every shake with my rattle egg released a powerful burst of energy that I could feel and see with my eyes closed. I sensed and saw from one side the energy of the drum and from the other side the energy of the guitar and of Marc’s singing.
It was a very unfamiliar experience, I was part of a musical-energetic group dynamic! The sounds had a multi-dimensional complexity that would not be possible in the material world.
For now it was enough and I put the rattle egg aside again. Marc played his own music for quite a while and later changed to a song from his computer. It was the familiar mantra: Hare Krishna, hare Krishna, hare Rama, hare Rama, played by Krishna Das.
Healer and Creator with Ayahuasca
In this extremely soulful song (I get goose bumps and tears in my eyes when I hear it again!) I felt a great desire to try out my energy and healing technique Healer and Creator. I kneeled with a straight back on my mat and started inhaling with the UEC energy flow exercise…
And the experience was incredibly intense! I could not only feel the aura of energy that I created with my hands and my breath, but also see it clearly with my eyes closed. And I understood how absolutely real these energies are!
The other group members noticed my movements and for some reason felt the urge to also play with energy balls in their hands… We whirled around with energy in the room to the Hare Krishna music… It was a picture for the gods, it’s a pity we don’t have a photo of it. 🙂
Then I sent out some H&C energy spheres, but only very cautious, because I had the impression that everything would be a hundred times stronger and I wanted to experiment with this energetic force first very carefully. Who knows what else I would do with it…
How will H&C evolve in the future?
After this deep and beautiful experience, I was ready to ask Mother Ayahuasca for the future of Healer and Creator. Under the influence of DMT, such an inner question can appear as if I would roar it out into my inner colorful world of images…
I then felt the desire to write something in the pre-set notebook. At first, I practiced intuitive writing by putting a fun lettering logic on my wife’s first name on paper that had just crossed my mind.
The writing was unfamiliar, but quite doable. So I waited anxiously for an intuitive inspiration. Then I wrote “H&C Believer” in the notebook, and waited a moment, until I felt a first digit that I wrote down. Then wanted to write a zero behind it. And then another. Then I hesitated … Really now? ANOTHER zero? Yes, the answer was very clear. I wrote it down.
Wow, I did not expect such a high number of future H&C Believers! The answer touched me deeply inside me. I was scared (“Is that really realistic, is that possible?”), But I intuitively felt that the intuition was just right and good. And yes, it is possible to achieve this high goal.
Next I wrote “H&C Practitioner” and noted behind it a new number, which sounded almost unbelievable for the still partially existing logical part of my brain. Nevertheless, the ratio of the two numbers was again very logical. I just didn’t expect that height.
A few days ago, I had already written down a concept for how I wanted to continue to propagate the energy and healing technique in the future. I tried to focus on it, rewriting the key words of the concept, checking inwardly on each word whether it felt right.
It added new insights and small details that I had not seen before. Very nice! All in all, it made a very round plan. Enough to do for the next few months, or maybe years… And yes, that will make it possible to reach the masses of people with my energy and healing technique.
I thanked myself respectfully for these messages, put the notebook aside and tried to dive into the inner world of images again.
Play it again, Sam!
After a while of inner vision and more enjoyable musical experience, I asked Marc for a second glass of ayahuasca.
Still a bit played out from the first dose, I wanted to try the other extreme: What, if I drink only 5 grams, maybe I amplify the pictures enough and even spare me the subsequent vomiting?
But apparently there was more to letting go for me… There followed a deep inner work with new images and again the increasing cyclone in my stomach. When writing these lines today, I can’t remember the pictures I saw. Again, it was not threatening and nothing too gloomy. But I was busy, it was an inner process that was immensely important for letting go.
I finally succeeded and I knew I do not have to repeat that again tonight. Now, only peaceful picture viewing! 🙂 The second, very low dose of DMT was just that, without further deep insights.
A fire ceremony at the end
But that suited well, because after a while Marc lit a fire outside in the garden of his finca and we gathered around it. We had all brought our written notes with our wishes, what we wanted to let go today.
One by one, we went to the fire to symbolically burn what we wanted to let go. The inner work for this was already done, the gift to the fire reflected only what we had experienced before.
We sat around the fire, pondering how many times we’ve been sitting by the fire in previous lives. It was a nice end of the ceremony for all of us, which we rounded out with music again.
What I was allowed to learn
I am still grateful for these super exciting second night experiences with Ayahuasca. I was able to learn to feel energetic movements more clearly and realistically and to handle them better. I also learned to use the inner connection purposefully for creative intuition. And I have learned (also in some other situations that I have not described here) a lot about my lack of patience.
And above all was the great letting go, which even several days after this weekend makes me feel as liberated and happy as it did that night .
The healing experiences with Ayahuasca are only 50% in the ceremony itself. The other half of the work begins afterwards, integrating the new experiences into daily life. That’s also one of the reasons for my two blog articles with this “travelogue”. Thank you for listening to me.
Ayahuasca is certainly not for everyone, but maybe it has aroused your interest to engage you a little deeper with it. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.
And if you are looking for a good shamanic guide to experience this inner liberation yourself, then I highly recommend the monthly ceremonies of Marc in Tenerife. Here you will find his Facebook page!